Emotions imply a state of being stirred up or aroused in one way or another. Emotions involve things that disturb or excite us and include many tones of feeling in varying degrees of satisfaction or annoyances. First of all, we must understand that God designed us with emotions. Our emotions are designed by God to enable us to enjoy our relationship with Him and others. The problem comes when we have emotions that cripple us and destroy us. God has given us a way of handling our emotions so that they do not cripple or destroy us.
Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self- control (Pr.25:28) We are creatures of emotions. Without them we cease to be human. Emotions are words beyond words. Emotions are God-given.
A. Benefits of Emotions
- Emotions help us to feel and empathize with others.
- Emotions help us to understand how others are feeling or what they are going through.
- Emotions help us to know when something is wrong or needs changing.
- Emotions help us to communicate our needs to others.
- Emotions help us to express ourselves without the need of limiting words.
- Emotions help us to know what is truly in our hearts at any given moment.
A person whose life is running smoothly, and whose urges and desires meet with fulfillment, and whose interests are achieved successfully, tends to be emotionally stable and enjoys life. On the other hand, if those urges, desires, or interests are frustrated either because of lack of ability to satisfy them or be cause of unfavorable environmental conditions, our emotional experiences may follow patterns of mal-adjustments. Men like to believe that our behavior is based upon the intellectual factors that give us the feeling of self control and emotionally sound actions. We do not want to believe our behavior is based upon emotional wandering.
There are times in our lives when emotional urges and drives almost completely engage our thinking and behavior. Too often, our behavior is closely linked with momentary or temporally interests and desires. When that happens, very little attention is given to core basic and far reaching goal-setting activities.
Emotions will influence our behavior but it should not become the determining factor that dictates or governs our lives. This is especially true if we react negatively or adversely from an emotional reaction. An emotion is a dynamic internal adjustment that can operate for the satisfaction, protection and welfare of the individual, when it is in control. When it is out of control, it can be used of Satan to control the individual.
B. Communicating Emotions
In order to manage our emotions and feelings effectively, the first task is learning how to communicate them.
1. We must learn how to describe our feelings in spoken words.
2. We must learn how to share our warm and loving emotions with others.
3. We must release wrong feelings.
Do not hold in the emotions and feelings which may grow and change into stress, bitterness, hatred, or cause a nervous breakdown. Share them openly wisely honestly, the best way possible. We have to get our emotions off our chest, but have self- control at all times.
Women beat us in this area. They open up themselves and pour out their feelings while the men mostly hold these feelings in themselves.
4. We must be honest.
When we feel uncomfortable with a situation or with someone, we are to be honest and tell them how we feel without seeking to hurt or offend them. Be open with the person hurting you.
5. We are to respect other people’s feelings
We should stay away from giving people advice unless it is appropriate. Negative criticism is not advisable. Give constructive criticism only if it appears they will accept it, otherwise just be a good listener.
C. Managing Emotions
Believers must exercise self-control, less their emotions become detrimental to them. Emotions may be either useful or harmful. They may serve the purpose of a smooth adjustment and problem solving, but they may also interfere with these purposes. Certain physiological changes may accompany excited emotions and energize the system for action. Our emotions may be a matter of intensity. Mild emotional states may be soothing and helpful. Strong emotional states may become harmful, debilitating and disruptive.
Some emotional states, like mood and temperament, may under some circumstances maintain an internal tension which can cause harmful bodily consequences. Worry is a good example of this. What we think about a situation may or may not be correct and if we continue to meditate on an unpleasant situation we can develop ulcers.
D. Constructive Use of Emotions
1. We are to Channel our Feelings
We must learn to channel our feelings. They should lean toward something constructive. The worst thing we can do is sit and thinking only of the negative aspects of this situation. Emotions such as fear and anxiety function as drives because they are matters of tension that seek to relieve themselves by appropriate behavior in relation to the problem. They are reacting emotionally to a given stimulation of an event.
2.We are to take Time to Meditate on the Word.
Meditating on God’s Word can help us channel our feelings into creative ideas.
Interpretation of emotional expression is best utilized when we act on the Word of God rather than react to an adverse outburst or actions that could be detrimental just because we let our feelings go. Feelings can be good, but we must always keep them under control. We must not allow feelings to be put in neutral to flop around in any direction they may emotionally want to go.
Emotional development takes place through maturing and learning. Learning is involved both in determining the proper timing or occasion upon which emotions can be safely expressed, while shaping our emotions as to how we express ourselves and to conform to patterns which are approved within our own culture. The African man in this aspect is supposed to show strong character even in the difficult times of life.
Emotional tendencies can cause our reactions to vary from attitudes to prejudices and complexes. Therefore, each individual’s particular tendency becomes important in his behavior.
3. Exercise is Important
Vigorous exercise is very effective in bringing strong feelings under control. One person said that whenever he was angry, distressed or perplexed he would go out, takeout an ax and begin to cut wood at a rapid pace. This was his way of taking his frustrations out on the wood rather than take them out on other people or circumstances which could be detriment to his well being. This is useful particularly if there are emotional issues between you and your wife.
4. We are to Control our Emotions
Do not allow lustful emotions and feelings to gain control. We have to be in charge of what we see and hear. We must be responsible for our own thinking and our own actions. Do not shift the blame to others when we know the problem is ours and not theirs. To take proper responsibility for our actions, we have to show maturity and understanding, coupled with wisdom.
5. It is our Responsibility to take Care of our Body
It is very important to learn how to take care of your physical body because all emotions are directed through your body. Rest when you need rest. You should exercise often to allow the blood to circulate. Try not to sleep too much as it will make you lazy and depressed. Do meaningful things that you enjoy doing. Visit people whose company you enjoy.
E. Handling our Emotions
Let us look at God’s word and figure out how we should handle our emotions. There are two truths in the word of God that help us to handle our emotions. I would like us to explore each truth and see how we can apply them to our lives.
1.Spiritual growth is determined by the way we face our difficulties.
Look at Philippians 2:14-15. “14. Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15. that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world . .” Actually, this is an amazing verse when we consider the fact that almost everyone seems to be complaining and disputing something. God’s call to His church was to be different in difficult situations so that we could shine out as lights in a dark world. A great way to shine out in a dark world is to stop complaining and disputing. Disputing would be arguing and finding fault with our present situation.
God knew that one of the things that would set us apart from the world would be our ability not to complain, not to argue, and not to find fault with our difficult situations. God knew exactly how those of the world would react to difficult situations. Basically, we become totally controlled by our emotions when we are “of this world.” God called us to be different so that we could be a witness to the world.
I have to ask you, how are you doing in this area? Are you allowing your difficult situations to be an opportunity for a witness to the world? As you go through difficult situations, does the world see the light of Jesus or the shallowness of your spiritual growth?
James 1:2-3 states: “When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your life, do not resent them as intruders. Welcome them as friends. Realize they serve to produce in you the quality of endurance.”
God is saying again that our real character is forged in our difficulties. Think back in your life. Where have you grown the most spiritually? Was it when everything was perfect and calm, or was it in suffering, pain, difficulty, problems, crisis, and disaster? The answer is always the same. Our greatest growth comes in times of our greatest difficulties. The obvious key is the way we face these trials and difficulties. Our emotions will be either out of control or in complete control, depending on the way we face our difficulties.
What did we learn from the passages we read in Philippians chapter 2 and James chapter 1?
1. Never complain or argue about our difficulties because, instead, we want to shine the light of Jesus to a lost world.
2. Realize that our difficulties are for our benefit so that we can grow spiritually and improve our character.
Both of these can help us to control our emotions and help us to face our difficulties better.
2. Our belief system will determine our consequences.
Most of the people in this world actually believe differently. They believe that our circumstances determine our consequences. Actually, this is an illusion. Many people think that the things that happen in life, or “my circumstances,” control my outcome. They think that if good things happen, if I get a raise, if I have a nice day, if I get a promotion, if someone appreciates me, if someone pays me a compliment, then I feel good. Consequently, they think that if things go badly, if people dislike me, if I lose my job, if my car goes out, if I have a wreck, then I feel bad. They feel that they are totally at the mercy of their circumstances. Therefore, they are constantly trying to control their circumstances as much as possible. Our belief system determines our consequences, not our circumstances.
A. We must understand the “CBC’s” of our emotions: Circumstances, Beliefs, Consequences. My beliefs about my circumstances actually determine the outcome, or the consequences. This is the reason that two different people can go through identical situations and have opposite responses to it.
A different belief system impacts the way we go through difficulties and, ultimately, the consequences or results. God is telling us that a key in handling our emotions is to make sure we properly filter our life’s experiences through the right belief system. To a great degree, our attitude in life is determined by our belief system. I would like us to look at Philippians 1:12: “Now I want you to know, brethren that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.” This is amazing when we think of where he is at the time. Paul is in chains for preaching the gospel of Jesus. He ends this passage in verse 18 with this summary, “What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached; and in this I rejoice, yes, and I will rejoice.”
Jesus taught us not to rejoice when our enemies were going through suffering but rather to love our enemies and pray for them when they struggled. It is not what Jesus taught, but Paul’s attitude was that in the end Jesus was being preached more and more, and so, therefore, he chose to rejoice and to continue to rejoice no matter what.
Paul’s belief system changed the consequences or outcome. Paul decided that his circumstances would not rule him, but rather God was in total control of his life and his ministry. To Paul, life was very simple. Paul went through difficulties, but God was in control; therefore, he chose to rejoice. When we believe that God reigns and rules over all things and that He works for our ultimate good, our only response is to rejoice. No matter what our circumstances, God is in control; therefore, we rejoice. Our emotions take us for a wild ride when we focus on our circumstances rather than on the belief system that depends on God.
What were Paul’s CBC’s? His circumstance was that life was difficult and life was tough. He was in chains and faced likely death. His belief was that Jesus was Lord even though Paul was in chains. His consequences were that he would rejoice. Jesus was being preached more and more. Jesus basically told us this in John 16:33, “ In this world you will have tribulation. But be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Our emotions cripple us and destroy us when we forget to focus on the right belief system.
B. We must avoid falling into the syndrome of satisfying other people. Probably the greatest threat to the effectiveness of men today is what I call the satisfying other people syndrome. This syndrome has captured men and has spread far and wide, unfortunately even in the church of Jesus. When we are caught up in this syndrome, our priorities change and it affects our emotions and how we handle particularly our wives and family members. Men can go difficult moments but still look nice to other people. We begin focusing on our circumstances, and we forget who is ultimately in charge of all things. We need to refocus our lives on a proper belief system rather than on our circumstances.
The key to handling our emotions is to focus on the right belief system concerning our circumstances.
What did we learn about handling our emotions?
1. Never complain because, instead, we want to shine the light of Jesus to a lost world.
2. Realize that our difficulties are for our benefit so that we can grow spiritually.
3. We must understand the CBC’s of our emotional life.
4. Do not focus on the circumstances; rather focus on our belief that God is in control of our lives. Our belief system will determine the outcome. Avoid satisfying other people syndrome.
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