Fathers have Disappointed

Ephesians 6:4

‘And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord’. (NKJV)

Everyone knows disappointment sooner or later. Friends break their word, marriages end in divorce, our children move away and never call us, colleagues betray us, the company lays us off, doctors can’t cure us, our investments disappear, our dreams are shattered, the best-laid plans go astray, other Christians disappoint us, and very often, we disappoint ourselves. We live in a world of disappointment, and if we do not come to grips with this truth, we are doomed to be unhappier tomorrow than we are today.

It is now so common in our country to find many children been brought up by their mothers only. Though some others may have fathers around them, the same fathers have brought deep pains in the lives of their children. Some have been absent fathers and children are growing up with much association with their fathers. I'm writing about an issue that we all face at one time or another and many of us need to deal with these issues because in one way or the other, this has affected our lives.

Some fathers have abused their own children and they keep quiet as if nothing happened in the past. Their sons and even daughters are holding a lot of bitterness from their past. Others promised to do certain things to their children of family and they never accomplished these things. The young men in the society have then wondered much about fatherhood. The children have always been told by their fathers when they perform not as expected that their fathers were always number one. We wonder which fathers were no. 10 or even last.

One of the most dangerous promises we fathers can make our children is not to keep our promises to our children. Ensure that when you promise, you must fulfill the promise. If you don’t, your child will be deeply disappointed.

I've seen so many fathers whose failure to follow through on their promises turns their trusting child into an adult who doubts commitments or even relationships.

Many fathers have become alcoholics. This has made their children to become alcoholics. Unable to control their addiction, they continually make and break promises. If your father was an alcoholic, you know what I mean. You probably knew that he loved you, but his actions continually betrayed his good intentions. Deep disappointment is just one of many complicated emotions that you have about your father.
Even life-giving, affirming words can backfire on a father if his actions don't back them up. The words, "I believe in you, you have great value," are words that every child wants to hear their parents speak. These kind of words raise your child's expectations. They can't help thinking the thought, "If I'm worth something, then my father will show up in my life." The young adults have a huge cry: "What went wrong? Why should we be suffering? Was it our mistake that we were born? Whose mistake is it? Who can we turn to?"

We fathers don't even have to say words to disappoint our children. Children somehow know that it's a father’s job to provide for and protect them. They look at other fathers and compare. We get set up for failure by doing too much or too little relative to others in our neighborhood.

We have become too busy looking for money and wealth at the expense of our families. What is the purpose of wealth and you lose the children?
And when you get busy and don't show up in your child's life, then deep disappointment is inevitable. Your child may do things that will really disappoint you but he will put all the blame on you as you never modeled him.

We all get disappointed when our hopes are not realized.  It's the repeated, unaddressed disappointment that turns into provocation. We children all get provoked from time to time with our parents. The issue of poor character, life circumstances, and bad decisions get in the way.
Fathers who have poor character - A father who lacks discipline may have the best of intentions but lack the follow thru to make good on them. If your father is impulsive, then following his impulse may mean that he forgets your many things in your life, even thing that matter most to you.
Fathers who face life circumstances - More and more men are losing their jobs due to economic downturn in our country. It's a terrible place to be in. You start feeling poorly about yourself and may even find yourself depressed. Circumstances weigh you down. I lost two jobs in the past and those times were the most difficult in my life. I had my four children in school, a wife to take care of and no or very little income. It was very hard. I sat down with my children and wife and gave them hope that God will still come our way.
Fathers who make bad decisions - To err is human. But some of errors have a more profound impact than others. A bad financial decision can end up hurting the whole family. A bad decision has consequences on the person and the dependants. We have to be very careful in any decisions we make. It is said: ‘Choices have consequences.’

We are disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go. Wrong expectations lead to disappointment, and disappointment leads to despair and finally giving up.

We have to apologize to our children for failing them and then make the necessary amends to improve our relationship with them.