Duty of the Father to the Family

What can we learn from the Bible on this awesome subject that has been neglected by our society?I am here sharing with you as a father of three daughters, one son and a grandfather of two daughters. The success or failure of a family is wholly the responsibility of the father. What foundations is he laying or has he laid for his family?

A family in this discussion is one that includes the basic unit of father, mother, child or children. Families may be different from this with extended families, one-parent families, and various arrangements that are morally acceptable. Some families are without a father or mother due to death or divorce. Some families do not include children.

Even with a father there may be exceptional families because the father is ill, or unable to discharge his duties for other reasons. But we generally consider the father as the man of the house, with the role of husband and parent of the children. Other members of the family may well share his work in some respects, but there are certain responsibilities that are his that cannot be shifted to someone else. This is that upon which we shall focus our attention.

1. Responsibility to God

The father must accept his personal duty to God.

Romans 14:12; “So tend to your knitting. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God”.(MSG) . Ecclesiastes 12:13; “The last and final word is this: Fear God. Do what he tells you”.(MSG).This will determine his duties to others and how he is to meet other obligations. He cannot fulfill his duty if he leaves God out because God is the originator and designer of the home, having brought it into existence with purpose. Duty to God means he has a duty to family because God requires that of him. It seems that many do not understand they have a duty to family at all. Many families have no father figure for the children. Either through abandonment, neglect, abuse, failure to support, or running away from duty, many fathers have been sorely lacking.

1 Timothy 5:8; “Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That's worse than refusing to believe in the first place”.(MSG) God’s Word teaches the father has a duty, what that duty is, and how serious a matter it is. The Bible is the best handbook on fatherhood that has been written.

2. Responsibility Begins Early

Don’t rush to be a father but prepare well to be one. A man’s responsibility to his family begins before he even has a family. How we need to teach our young men this vital truth. He is to keep himself morally pure, develop his character, learn to work, and to never be abusive toward members of his family whether they are younger, older, or whatever the relationship. He must not abuse his body with drugs lest the consequences be a detriment to his yet unborn children. He needs to learn what true love is. In other words, he must learn what his duties are before he undertakes the discharge of them.

He does this best when he makes himself a man of faith, integrity, conviction, and honour rather than simply seeking wealth, power, fame, and pleasure. Being a father is not a boy’s job. It takes a real man. The challenge we are having in our society is that we have very many men who indulge in premarital sex and are not prepared for the consequences. Too many males in our land are not real men when it comes to facing responsibilities.

3. Duty Assumed With Marriage

The family originally consists of two people. He is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Ephesians 5:23; “The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.”(MSG). This is God’s order, so we ought not to complain against it. Being the head means he must develop and demonstrate love, sacrifice, loyalty, and faithfulness. It is impossible to discharge his duty to his family if he is unfaithful to his wife. He cannot and will not be a good father if the vows of marriage are violated.

His role is that of leadership which demands acceptance of responsibility. In other words, “the buck stops here” with him. This is not a matter of superiority or inferiority. Every efficient unit must have a leader and the wisdom of God is that the husband is the leader. Much of the world rejects this order, but it is still right because it pleases God, and it pleases those who love God. And please take a candid look at what the displacement of roles has done to our children and society generally! What sane person can defend it?

4. Provision

First Timothy 5:8 has already been quoted. The provision the father is to provide includes food, shelter, clothing, education, medicine, and protection. He must see that the home gives every occupant security, that the home is a haven and a harbour of refuge. He does this by hard work. Circumstances such as illness, losses, emergencies, etc. may require assistance at times, possibly on a permanent basis. But these are exceptions. The greatest provision a father can give his children is their mother’s time.

The father has the prime duty to provide spiritual training. Proverbs 22:6; “Point your kids in the right direction-- when they're old they won't be lost”.(MSG). Possibly in this realm is most disappointing of duty seen among fathers. But fathers are to provide guidance, instruction, advice, counsel, and discipline, an example in habits, speech, industry, self-control, attitudes, and treatment of others in and out of the family. He is to exercise authority, set priorities, and determine values, rules, and standards by which the family is to be regulated. The wife and children are necessarily involved, but he is the one God expects to see that the right things are provided.

This does not mean he can rule as a tyrant. He must not have the “I-am-the-boss” attitude. He is no dictator. He encourages input from the family, is unselfish, sacrificial, and behaves with consideration and cooperation with the others. He must be tender and firm, kind but determined, considerate and strong. He is the captain of the ship and God looks to him for the welfare of the family. Every member of the family ought to help him in every way to fulfill his God-given assignment. They must avoid mutiny and usurpation of authority. They are to lovingly give obedience, respect, and cooperation.

5. Consequences of Failure

The study of Eli, Samuel, Lot, and David in connection with Absalom are graphic demonstrations of fathers who did not assume and discharge the proper role toward their children. The pain, grief, sorrow, and even death that these families suffered can be traced directly to parental failure to serve as proper fathers.

Let it be said of us as was said of Abraham, Genesis 18:19; “Yes, I've settled on him as the one to train his children and future family to observe GOD’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that GOD can complete in Abraham what he promised him”.(MSG)

6. Summary

You cannot lead where you will not go. You cannot teach what you do not know. You as the father are the leader and teacher. Your goal is to do all you can so that every member of your family, without the loss of one, will reach heaven. Help them to serve God and man, and keep the torch of truth burning brightly after your time has ended. The next generation needs children such as your family can produce. In time, you will reap as you have sown. There will be good fruits when you have done your job. You can say, Psalm 23:5; “You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing”.(MSG) “

It is like this: the husband is the master of the house under Christ, the one who manages, oversees, and has that special relationship that calls for meeting special obligations. He is the father, founder, producer, and the one in charge, with responsibility as the nourisher, upholder, and protector of his family. His first need in doing this is to be a faithful Christian himself.

Take charge dear fathers. The mothers and the children are depending on you and God is counting on you. Do your utmost and fulfill your mission.