Challenges Male Adults are Facing

The male adult is facing major challenges in the times we are living. He is being pushed on all sides; socially, domestically, politically, at work, in the market place, in the church, at the community level, in business and most seriously sexually. We are seeing more and more men staying for long periods without committing themselves in marriage. The demands placed upon men by the society are immense and we find the adult male in very difficult situation. The adult male is crying out for assistance and the society is not paying attention to him. In order to give due support to the male adult, it is first of all good, to understand him and for the man to understand himself.

Characteristics of Adult Males:

 (i) Physical-- strong, brave, unconcerned about appearance and aging;

(ii) Functional--breadwinner, provider;

(iii) Sexual--sexually aggressive, experienced. Single status acceptable;

(iv) Emotional--unemotional, stoic;

(v) Intellectual--logical, intellectual, rational, objective, practical,

(vi) Interpersonal--leader, dominating; disciplinarian; independent, individualistic;

(vii) Other personal characteristics--success-oriented, ambitious; proud, egotistical, moral, trustworthy; decisive, competitive, uninhibited, adventurous.

Stereotypic notions of masculinity, such as all of the above, are socially constructed and thus differ across time periods and cultures.

Resultant Challenges faced by Male Adults:

1. Temptation to Love Money –

  1Timothy 6:10

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.(NKJV)

Pursuance of money to achieve one’s dream has caused lots of problems to the male adult. The belief that one has to have more and more money is a major challenge to the male adult. People wake up every day with the notion of making money. This temptation has eroded our values and ethics as long as we think that the more money one has the better is his life. All sorts of ills and pains are with us today because of our love for money. People can do any evil as long as they are making money.-

Parable of the Rich fool:

Luke 12:16-21

“Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: "The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. And he thought within himself, saying, 'What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?' So he said, 'I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. And I will say to my soul, "Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry."' But God said to him, 'Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?' "So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God."(NKJV)

Toughest question for Christians: Do we represent God and live according to His priorities in the world? OR Does money, wealth and greed have too much power in our lives?

Biblical exhortation: Matthew 6:33

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you”.(NKJV)

2. Temptation to be Macho - “I hate a macho sort who doesn't cry. They have to be a bit sensitive, don't they?” - Emma Bunton

In Men: A Book for Women, these cultural tendencies are summed up this way:

·         He shall not cry.

·         He shall not display weakness.

·         He shall not need affection or gentleness or warmth.

·         He shall comfort but not desire comforting.

·         He shall be needed but not need.

·         He shall touch but not be touched.

·         He shall be steel not flesh.

·         He shall be inviolate in his manhood.

·         He shall stand-alone.

3. Temptation of Sexual Lust –

Joseph & Potiphar’s wife: Joseph is quoted as an over comer of sexual temptation over Potiphar’s wife. How many of us can overcome those kinds of temptations? Joseph did just what the Bible tells us we should do to overcome temptation.   

Samson & Delilah: Samson is an example of a man that was so driven to fulfill is sexual desires. How many of us are like Samson?

 2 Timothy 2: 22

“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”(NKJV)

God is calling on us to flee lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace while we are living within our societies. We should not yield to the societal and peer pressures. We are not to be men pleasers but only to please our God 

Have you ever noticed that temptation doesn't just go away? Even if you are victorious one day, there is a good chance that the same temptation will be back before you know it.

Four questions aimed at helping us discover if we have a sexual addiction and if so, how far it's progressed. The first step in dealing with a problem is admitting we have one.

·         Is your behavior secret?

·         Is your behavior abusive?

·         Is your behavior used to deaden painful feelings? (Usually results in masturbation)

·         Is your behavior empty of genuine commitment and caring?

For Samson, the moment of truth arrived near the end of his life. He came back to himself but it was too late because he also died with the Philistines. We should not wait until it is too late. We can do something about it.

4. Temptation of Having an Affair –

David & Bathsheba: David fell into the temptation of having an affair with Bathsheba. I tell men and women that we carry sex with ourselves wherever you go. What you do with it is a matter of your decision. David made a decision and later he had to bear the consequences of his decision.

The mid-life transition is a time when many men involve themselves with another woman. If you're thinking of having an affair, consider these statistics:

·         Less than 10% of people in affairs divorce their spouse and then marry their lover.

·         Nearly 80% of those who divorce because of an affair are sorry later.

·         Over 75% of affair-marriages end in divorce.

·         For those whose marriages survive affairs, recovery takes between one and three years.

The causes of people falling into the sexual temptations are:

·         Readiness – David & Bathsheba

·         Innocent meeting – prolonged eye contact can result in flirtations.

·         Intentional meeting – meet frequently, even wait for each other at a street corner.

·         Purposeful isolation – plan times alone for legitimate purposes.

·         Pleasurable isolation – feeling of nothing wrong with being good friends.

·         Affectionate embracing – secret longings & playing with one another.

·         Surrender: embrace – passion – kiss – fondle – smooch – foreplay – sex.

Do they live happily after? No! The story of the affair is not a comedy but a bitter tragedy.

5. Challenge of reading their female counterparts:

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs. Boil it down to the inherent differences between the sexes. It just can't be done. Right?

6. Challenge of being mum

One of the most telling signs that a person is undergoing is a mild form of depression. Some signs of depression might include a lack of interest in people and constant criticizing.

7. Challenge of finding friends and understanding people:

Men benefit more from cross-sex friendship but making male friends is tedious and emotionally not exhilarating.

8. Challenge of mastering their moods:

Most men have a difficult time handling anger, grief, depression and many areas of their personalities.

9. Challenge of growing old and dealing with ailments and loss of loved ones:

Men usually die 7-8 years before their counterparts but they just can’t handle it as well as the females. I have found out that though men are physically stronger they are easily overcome emotionally. Most adult men do not have the stamina to live long after they have retired from the formal employments.

The opposite is true for women. Women can survive for longer periods after retirement and even after they lose their loved ones. My mother is a good example. I lost my father in July 1975 and my mother stayed almost 31 years until her demise in January 2006. 

10. Grappling with identity crisis:

We struggle a lot with our identities. Who are we? Who should we be talking with or who should we relate with? Most male adults think more of themselves with an attitude of ME, MYSELF and I.

Is there anything good that stems from these challenges?

James 1:2-4

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”.(NKJV)

James is telling us to learn from the men challenges that we may go through. We will finally be patient and complete. There must be lessons that we can learn from these challenges. Friends none of us is immune. We all go through them but the end result is how you handle yourself in the challenges that you are facing. Do you become a David or a Joseph?

Strategies for Male Adults to deal with these Challenges:

1. Know yourself – know that we can put up with these challenges with God’s help.

2. Seek renewal in the Spirit – (surrender – acceptance – confession – ownership – forgiveness – transformation – preservation).

3. Build a strong life context – fellowshipping and sharing with one another.

4. Know your enemy: ‘Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden.”’)

5. Motivate yourself for ‘Right Living’ – being obedient to God.

6. Beware of Strengths – power of the evil one to seduce and trap you.

7. Shift energy away from temptations – Idle minds /hands are the devils workshop.

8. Don’t feed your cravings – desire to sin by yielding to the physical urges.

9. Develop good habits – learn to say ‘NO’ to wrong things.

Proverbs 25:28

“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls”.(NKJV)

10. Be teachable – to learn from the mistakes and experiences of others.

11. Run from temptation – (Joseph & Potiphars wife;

James 4:7

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you”.(NKJV)

12. Be courageous –

Revelation 21:8

“But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."(NKJV)

Proverbs 24: 16

‘Although a righteous person may fall seven times, he gets up again, …’; 1 Corinthians 10: 13

‘No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it.’)