IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE MID-LIFE CRISIS AND HOW CAN A CHRISTIAN MAN HANDLE THIS CRISIS?

Many men go through a mid-life crisis. Why does the man, with a loving wife and children of whom he is proud, suddenly throw it all away and take off with the young lady from his office? Why throw twenty or thirty years of good relationships away for a day's joy? Why does the man, who has built a good career and reputation, is suddenly exposed in the press for misappropriating a sum of money from his work? Subsequently we see the TV shots of him going to court with his wife clinging to his arm. Why throw it all away for insignificant gain? Why do some men, at the height of their powers and influence, do silly things? Recently the Kenya Anti-Corruption Authority has made corrupt findings against a number of politicians and senior people in the public eye. They are now awaiting trial and sentencing. Others have been tried and some sentenced. Why did they do it?

A fine man who was a leading member of our church and a highly respected person in the society, left his wife and children, and took a young female, the age of his eldest daughter and went to stay with her. The young girl was unable to provide him with the intellectual satisfaction of a mature woman, and who, herself, soon became tired of having a man as old as her father telling her what to do. That man came back into his family, but never again back into the esteem and admiration of his peers. Why did he throw it all away on a journey that was destined to fail?

In the Bible there is the classic case of King David. As a young man, David was seen as a hero. He had conquered the giant Goliath. The jealous King Saul tried to kill him. When Saul died the nation immediately turned to the young leader. David established a new capital for his administration in Jerusalem. At the age of thirty he ruled over all the tribes. His reign was powerful, enlightened and dedicated to God. David became great. Then he did a stupid thing. He had his own mid-life crisis. His armies were fighting on the western front. Back at his palace he had an affair with the wife of one of his soldiers. A little later she came to him saying, “I am pregnant.” Those words would cause the death of her husband and many soldiers with him. David arranged for the soldier, Uriah, to be ordered into the thick of battle so David could have his wife. But the Bible adds: 2 Samuel 11:27 :”But the thing David had done displeased the LORD.”
God had his own way in making David realize his sin in rape, in adultery and in planning murder to cover up. David would have a time of great misery ahead. I would ask: why should a successful, good man like this commit such a wicked and stupid act?

REASONS WHY SOME MEN SUCCUMB TO A MID-LIFE CRISIS
1. Some men fall for the seduction of power. They become so used to power they exercise; they think they are above the law. Men who become successful and powerful often believe success covers every area of life. They believe they have earned it so they deserve it. They misuse the power at their command, misappropriate the company money, demand sexual favours from some employee, or break the law thinking they are above the law. Their power has seduced them.
The seduction of power is such that men in positions of power in mid-life do foolish things that are likely to break them even though they think they would get away with it. In this country, we have seen senior government officers go to jail; senior company officers and other senior people go to prison. Such is the seduction of power.
2. Some men become disillusioned with life. Mid-life crisis may attack people at the point of their confidence and achievement. They feel exhausted with their battle to achieve, and looking at others, become disillusioned and despairing. Some fall into psychological depression. Some try to turn the clock back to a lost youth, behave in a manner inappropriate for their age. One of our nation’s wealthiest men surrounds himself only with young adults in his businesses because he thinks that is a way of him not becoming old. He said, “I don’t think of myself as old until I look in the bathroom mirror.” Whom does he think he is cheating?
3. Some realize they will never make the impact on the world they have dreamed and worked for so long. They have reached mid-life and still have not made it, and now probably never will. The disillusionment of it causes them to break out of normal behaviour patterns. Some start wearing clothing of a younger generation, wear ear rings, experiment with new sexual partner, etc. Disillusionment leads to silly behaviour.
4. Some men suffer from personal stagnation. Some men claim they have stagnated, emotionally, sexually, psychologically. They blame their partner. “She no longer turns me on.” Armed with such an excuse they look for another. When King David, with several wives and a palace full of children, accidentally looks upon a woman taking a bath, he must have her. It is not a question of love or even lust. David felt loss of leadership reflected on his masculinity. Thus he had to reassure himself of his manliness.
5. Many middle-aged men are driven by their low libidos, not by the poor sexual performance of their wives. It is a male problem, not a female one. Stagnation has set in. A wise wife recognizes the symptoms and does what she can to keep their marriage fresh.
6. Some men give in to results of underachieved expectations in life. Life has not lived up to their expectations. Much energy in the first half of life is spent trying to “make it”. Settling on a career, finishing education, finding one’s niche in society, gaining a home and family, coping with debts, can be exhausting. It can affect a man’s equilibrium.  Midlife is a time of revolution and shifting moral values.
7. Some middle-aged men start asking question about life and values. To question is to distance oneself, to open oneself to change, to thinking and acting differently. Uneasiness with one’s self and world at midlife can lead to the oddest behaviour. Unrealistic expectations of life must be given up and that can lead to cynicism.

All the above are so called “reasons” but they are merely excuses for sinful behaviour from immature men.

Is there any hope for men facing a mid-life crisis? YES! God works miracles even upon middle-aged men!
God healed a crippled beggar when Peter and John were entering the Temple and The Bible mentions, almost with surprise (Acts 4:22) “For the man who was miraculously healed was over forty years old.” The good news is that God can still work a miracle on the middle aged!
It is claimed that many men have the sense of having reached the limits of life at what is really only its mid-point. Boredom is frequently their lot. Reactions to this experience vary greatly with many feeling the need to strike out in a new direction.

We need to discover the power of faith. It is not yet over as God is still in control. We need to discover that the period from 35 to 55 sees ten adjustments having to be made. There must be a deliberate decision to adjust in the following areas:

·         standing up to an aggressive world;

·         gaining wisdom;

·         shifting the time perspective;

·         assessing the limits of achievement;

·         dealing with one’s envy and rivalry;

·         cultivating care;

·         balancing priorities

·         re-evaluating the life structure;

·         facing loss, mourning, and death;

·         searching deeper for God. 

The Gospel of Jesus Christ has renewing power. Faith in the Jesus the Messiah can make your life new at the time when many feel stagnant. The miracle can occur in middle age!

We need to discover the power to resist temptation. We must learn how to say “No!” Every man in middle life comes upon the enticing temptations. Deeper commitment to God gives you inner strength to resist even the oldest and strongest of temptations. It is not sinful to be tempted; it is sinful to give in.  We need to discover the power that forgives sin. Midlife brings an awareness of sin rooted deep in the human heart. Typically, people at midlife come to view their relentless drive for success and for making something of themselves as a destructive force. You need power to overcome sin and to resist temptation, and there is no power other than that which comes from God.

We need to discover the power of new purpose. Wise men take time to consider, to contemplate themselves, their world and their purpose, and to discover new purpose that puts new energy and meaning into life. But newness flows with a new purpose. You can gain new purpose from God and discover exciting challenges of service to others. Many men spend the first half of life working for themselves but buying only frustration and emptiness. Then, through the new purpose God gives, they work for others and find fulfillment.

It is possible for you to make a decision; “You can trade in your mid-life crisis on mid-life renewal”! Some middle-aged men find that God is still at work within them giving them new power and purpose. What a difference that discovery can make to yourself, your wife, your family, your community.
I believe that you can overcome Mid-life Crisis and get Godly purpose for your life. The onus is on you.